Cuddle Poots

Here is a thought you can only share with your best friends. This thought, like many, came to me right as I was about to fall asleep last night.  It then proceeded to make me laugh so I wanted to share and gain some insight from my best friends who agree with me.

Scenario: The hubs (who shall be named Pappy on this blog) and I were spooning last night.  I was the little spoon, as always.  I began to feel a little rumble in the tummy.  I knew what this meant. It has happened before.  Sometimes it happens in the car, sometimes while I am cooking dinner, sometimes when I least expect it.  I was going to fart/poot.  Pappy and I have reached the point in our relationship after 6 years of marriage, 2.5 years of dating, and 3 years as good friends that we can totally fart in front of each other, no problem.  I told him last night that I needed to fart, so he let go of his little spoon for a bit, I angled the booty away, let it rip, cut the tail with a little wiggle, and went back to little spoon.

The thought that I had right after was this.  When did the poot become more important than the cuddle?

I certainly recall a day early in our relationship where the most important thing was to lie in my boyfriend's arms.  I got to feel his breathing on my neck (in a good way not a creepy serial killer way), I felt safe, warm, and loved, and I never wanted it to stop. Pappy is always hot so he is my personal blanket in the cold winter months.  If I am really cold, I REALLY don't want it to stop so I can keep warm.  I wouldn't eat too much broccoli or cabbage because I knew that come cuddle time, the poots would be near. At this point in the relationship I would have rather risked gastrointestinal problems than let go of the cuddle.

I guess it was during my pregnancy with my first child.  Granted, Pappy and I had only been married a few short months before discovering that I was pregnant.  Had that not occurred until later I wonder how long I would have waited to let loose. As it was, during our first year of marriage I become pregnant with a little girl.  I pretty much gave up on hiding bodily functions from Pappy the first bout of morning/ALL DAY sickness hit.  It hit hard, there was no point in trying to make it on my own. There wasn't a specific point that I remember, this is it, I will now break the cuddle to poot.  During those 9 months I think that was the turning point.  They do say babies will change your relationship. I sometimes long for those early days where the cuddle won out over the poot but I am pretty damn sure that I and my colon are happier these days.

Pappy and I discussed proper etiquette of the poot during cuddle. Little spoon may need to poot. You angle your but fully away from the big spoon, poot, wiggle to cut the tail, and then may return when poot(s) are fulfilled. Remember to cut the tail. You don't want to go back to little spoon guns hot. Studies haven't shown what poots do to sperm count-maybe I can get a federal grant for some research into that.  Anything to deviate from etiquette would be crossing the line. I mean to fart ON another person is really a big F@#& You.  Perhaps if your husband forgot your anniversary or gave the kids Nutella RIGHT before bed I can understand a little bit, but I don't condone it.

The Cuddle Poot.  I think I'll go eat some broccoli.  

Conception

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